Remember how in the Sunday comics Mr. Dithers would get good and pissed at Dagwood and then kick him right in the ass? Dagwood would howl and hold onto his rear end as he was launched off of the ground.
Well, the man can no longer do that to you. Far from the stern and grim old days the M.O. in the present era is to twist the workplace into a scene of levity and joy. Hanging out with coworker-pals after five or on the weekend is one thing, but the officially directed stuff is so transparently disingenuous that it, well, makes me want to kick an ass. A favorite of mine was the time that they had a company-wide contest to write and then perform songs about our business and core values. The usual toadies submitted entries and were recorded onto film and tape by professional crews. One entry was written (by me) and circulated only among a trusted few: it was a parody of the old Johnny Cash tune "I've been everywhere," but it was turned into "we've fucked up everywhere" and went on to chronicle a long, long list of huge errors in lieu of all of the places where Johnny Cash drove his truck.
And just when you thought things couldn't get worse this memo arrives:
We have a film crew coming with cameras and costumes next Wednesday, September 28th. If you are interested in participating in any of the roles, please email me the ROLE NUMBER that you would be willing to perform. Please note, if you are currently scheduled to be in a meeting during the filming time, your manager should be able to excuse you from the meeting to participate in the filming.
Some roles have a preferred male/female due to the nature of the role (e.g.: impersonating a member of all boy band Backstreet Boys, etc.) If you do not have a preferred role, please indicate that as well and I’ll place you in the area we need filled
And then there is a list of singing and dancing roles, some in costumes and some without. To wit they are asking for maybe 80 people to participate in some kind of a "fun" music video to be showcased around the company. There is a God, you know why? First, in my present role I'm expected to be a leader and take on one of the more egregious characters, like lead singer or comic foil or something worse. But the presence of divinity comes in here: on the designated date I will be in Melbourne, Australia, talking shit and then getting pie-eyed on local beer after the meeting. Take THAT, sensitive new-age revisionist Mr. Dithers.