Three People You Couldn't Party With No Matter What

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Three People You Couldn't Party With No Matter What

Postby vlad the impaler » Tue Apr 24, 2007 8:37 pm

The Bernstein kids. I know they have piles of money and a company suite at Comerica Park, but they're still a drag.

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Re: Three People You Couldn't Party With No Matter What

Postby potato » Tue Apr 24, 2007 8:41 pm

vlad the impaler wrote:The Bernstein kids. I know they have piles of money and a company suite at Comerica Park, but they're still a drag.

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I'd totally do the bernstein chick. I love jewish girls.
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Postby Mud Bug » Tue Apr 24, 2007 8:51 pm

1. Ryan Seacrest
2. Stephen Grant
3. Chuck Adkins
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Postby Mr. Robinson » Tue Apr 24, 2007 9:02 pm

Those Bernstein kids helped my grandma out when she slipped and fell on some ice as she left church after choir practice. Grandma drives a gold Cadillac DTS now since the church had to pay for her pain and suffering, she lets me drive it when I run my errands. It's got a handicap license plate so I always get the best spots.

Bernsteins are welcome to my neighborhood anytime.
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Postby Mitch Albom » Tue Apr 24, 2007 10:37 pm

One of them is a young man. He’s a member of the firm.

He wears nice clothes. He favors black. His hair is sometimes not there. His skin always is. In court they roll their eyes, or shake their heads, as he passes by.

They all weren’t popular, nor are they very high up on the lawyer food chain. Some think they’re crass. Some think they’re good grandma helpers. The older one does the talking. His voice is instantly recognizable. In the 80s, his firm was him. In the 2000s, the family is the firm.

None of them are dummies. They read. The read a lot. They practice, too. Personal injuries, product liability, employment discrimination. They take all kinds of cases, they flip through documents, they work with an assistant. Watching the commercials are part of the game now. Watching is not judgmental. Watching what they do. Watching how one became many. Watching the daughter cut her enemies' heads off, blood everywhere (metaphorically of course).

Sometimes my imagination runs wild. I see a character with a settlement agreement and a Cross pen. He sees the carnage. He loves the profit. He sees how one man with the right weapon can wreak havoc, take control, own the day.

All of them are full of ideas.

The power of the forum

Some call this family firm creepy. Some say they can’t have many friends. One says they’re unpartyable. He finds them a drag.

They would like, deep down, to know the family, the firm. To party with her. To laugh with him. They would like it, but they wouldn’t admit it. Not today. Not tomorrow. Even though, too many times, they’ve seen those commercials. And too many times, they dreamed of experiencing the advantage.

They say the family is not handsome or cool. They do not measure up. They blame the father, but that led to nothing. Now they watch them sue others. They watch them sue the people who have more, who look better, who get praise. They sue. Then they are hated. People fantasize about a world where they are gone.

It would be nice for these creepy internet folk to have someone to talk to, all this anger coming at the family, all these thoughts about the suite at the ballpark. Lawyer stories, they have decided, are overrated. So they throw stones. They start threads. He asks for a consensus . ”Who’s worse?” one former implies. "Chuck Adkins," is one answer. "Stephen Page” is another. It goes on.

The forum moderators? Well, you know. Maybe they're busy. Maybe they're gone. Maybe one had diarrhea. Maybe one was indifferent. Maybe they’re saying terrible things about a blogger who writes like a child. Maybe they’re playing The Match Game.

Maybe there is part of this forum that wants to love Detroit desperately, but can’t. Maybe what was once optimism is now realism. Maybe some bad attention will fix the problem. Maybe the daughter will sue them.

Maybe I shouldn’t say maybe so much.

New American idols

In other spots, some say they’re right on when they talk about the loan company, with their long-winded unparagraphed love letters gushing positivity juice all over your monitor. Some say it’s funny when someone like Royce -- who once suggested cement silos be renovated into condos – is caught writing about “mute” points.

They see the one called Lowell, who banned 23 people from a message board – publicize in a way that makes you cringe. One day, from nothing to something.

The internet is so overrated. Or is it?

Funny is a man, or his son, or the family firm. Funny lives on an internet forum, or across the river, or on your block. Funny is out there, angry at the world, nurtured by a culture that values internet threats over internet passivity, fantasy over substance, sunshine instead of cloudy days, and celebrity above all else.

Funny gets ideas.

Funny starts a blog.
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Postby Ansel Rakestraw » Tue Apr 24, 2007 10:45 pm

I could be in the middle of a three way with Alyssa Milano and Halle Berry and if John Negroponte, Dick Cheney or Alberto Gonzales walked in, I would leap up and use my bare hands and any and all objects useable as a weapon to kill them.
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Postby Middle Street » Wed Apr 25, 2007 12:08 am

John Tesh
Yanni
Lowell
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Postby Sailor » Wed Apr 25, 2007 5:27 am

Rosie
Rush
Vladimir Putin
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Postby butter bean » Wed Apr 25, 2007 7:46 am

Sonny Elliot
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Postby potato » Wed Apr 25, 2007 8:16 am

Sailor wrote:Rosie
Rush
Vladimir Putin


I love Rush. 2112 is one of the greatest albums to ever come out of Canada. I'd party with them in a second.
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Postby Steve Yzerman » Wed Apr 25, 2007 8:47 am

Those three Bernstein whelps look like the half-breed offspring that aristocrats used to produce in Europe. Something is seriously wrong with one of the boys - his eyes have separate agendas and he has some sort of vague speech impediment in those commercials. I wonder if he's ever won a case. He seems like he would lose many cases in a spectacularly big way.
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Postby Random Douchebag » Wed Apr 25, 2007 8:49 am

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Postby davecat » Wed Apr 25, 2007 8:52 am

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Clearly if I had the needs and funding I would surely invest here and become the change Detroit needs.
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Postby jmy » Wed Apr 25, 2007 8:58 am

davecat wrote:Image


When did Harry's redecorate?
My Goodness! What's going on? What's happening?
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Postby Shark » Wed Apr 25, 2007 9:01 am

Steve Yzerman wrote:Those three Bernstein whelps look like the half-breed offspring that aristocrats used to produce in Europe. Something is seriously wrong with one of the boys - his eyes have separate agendas and he has some sort of vague speech impediment in those commercials. I wonder if he's ever won a case. He seems like he would lose many cases in a spectacularly big way.


Yeah. Those blind, handicapped lawyers probably aren't as smart as sighted ones.
Hmmmm....maybe I should be a large map of metro Detroit for on my wall, so I better know the relationship of my city and the suburbs. - Supersport
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