Why I hate ESPN (redux)

[gullycanyon]

Aw, c'mon. Strive to have a pile of the better material goods without having to become an asshole. You can do this, I know ya can.

But, speaking of ESPN, assholes, and eye-wear, I could not help noticing that the current rage seems to be glasses so tiny that they are barely as large as the eye-socket itself.
Maybe that trend will last about as long as the brief infatuation with having one's hair cut & styled so as to feature a sort of flame-tip effect in the top-front. For a minute-- and I do mean a minute-- everybody looked like mascots for goddam MichCon.
Folks who automatically follow every trend should become tired of the needless, and frequent, expense, but they seem to place a high value on being up with the trends. Sometimes, being a mindless dickhead with no sense of personal identity can just kill a guy's checking account.

[susanarosa]

Chris Berman needs to shut the hell up.

[Roquefort Robert]

About 10 minutes ago I was thinking, "Berman seems less annoying than I remember in years past". That lasted about five minutes. A coworker just came in and said pretty much the same thing as SR.

[Doctor Detroit]

Is Chris Berman the "back back back back back" fucknut? He sounds like a retarded chicken and scares my cat.

[Woodwards Friend]

Watching Berman do the Home Run Derby is like watching Jackie Mason on Larry King. A fading talent milking a tired shtick for all it's worth. Mike Terico served as the stadium announcer for the 2005 Derby at Comerica Park, so much more pleasant than Berman's back-back-back stuff. Obviously it's too late for Ernie Harwell and Harry Kalas, but it would be great to hear Vin Scully call on of these instead of Berman/Morgan/Undercover Bobby V.

[Andy]

And just wait. When Chris Berman dies from the inevitable heart explosion that comes from rapid and unhealthy weight loss and gains I think the ESPN parade of biographies and retrospectives touting his cultural significance will make LeBron look like Fennis Dembo.

[Ya Mar]

And just wait. When Chris Berman dies from the inevitable heart explosion that comes from rapid and unhealthy weight loss and gains I think the ESPN parade of biographies and retrospectives touting his cultural significance will make LeBron look like Fennis Dembo.

I loved fennis dembo. Led the cowboys to the sweet 16, if i recall.

Had a hell of a career with the Stones as well, I think he average about 1 point and .5 rebounds in the 30 games he played...

[caseyc]

And just wait. When Chris Berman dies from the inevitable heart explosion that comes from rapid and unhealthy weight loss and gains I think the ESPN parade of biographies and retrospectives touting his cultural significance will make LeBron look like Fennis Dembo.

I loved fennis dembo. Led the cowboys to the sweet 16, if i recall.

Had a hell of a career with the Stones as well, I think he average about 1 point and .5 rebounds in the 30 games he played...

I love that HFD works in a Fennis Dembo namecheck at least once a year.

[Andy]

And just wait. When Chris Berman dies from the inevitable heart explosion that comes from rapid and unhealthy weight loss and gains I think the ESPN parade of biographies and retrospectives touting his cultural significance will make LeBron look like Fennis Dembo.

I loved fennis dembo. Led the cowboys to the sweet 16, if i recall.

Had a hell of a career with the Stones as well, I think he average about 1 point and .5 rebounds in the 30 games he played...

I forget where I read it but there was an article that deemed him the least deserving player who won a NBA championship ever. He only played in the league that one year.

[The Suburban Avenger]

Deadspin found part of Norm MacDonald's monologue from the 1998 ESPYs.

Among the nuggets:

"The ESPYs turn six this year, though Anthony Mason swears they're 18."

"Charles Woodson is here. Charles had a great year. He became the first defensive player to win the Heisman trophy and Charles, they never can take that away from you. Unless you kill your wife and a waiter."

http://deadspin.com/5587385/deadspin-classic-espn-will-never-ever-do-this-again

[Woodwards Friend]

The ESPYs are, by definition, absurd. I read this morning that Shaun White won the Best Olympic Athlete ESPY. After you win an Olympic fucking gold medal, who gives a shit about an ESPY?

[The Suburban Avenger]

Granted, the story was pretty lame, but ESPN's reaction to this is pathetic ... more likely than not, the story hit ESPN's web site, at which point someone in LeBron James' circle cried foul. They pull the story, then start cooking up a cover to make themselves look good enough to ensure LeBron will deign to offer Stuart Scott another chance to fellate him during an "exclusive" interview.

http://deadspin.com/5600036/the-scapegoating-of-arash-markazi

[Andy]

Granted, the story was pretty lame, but ESPN's reaction to this is pathetic ... more likely than not, the story hit ESPN's web site, at which point someone in LeBron James' circle cried foul. They pull the story, then start cooking up a cover to make themselves look good enough to ensure LeBron will deign to offer Stuart Scott another chance to fellate him during an "exclusive" interview.

http://deadspin.com/5600036/the-scapegoating-of-arash-markazi

Yeah, I was hoping for more from the actual story. Although I thought it was creepy how LeBron seemed to like to continually pantomime dribbling and shooting a basketball through a Vegas nightclub. Is that unconscious practicing or a need for constant attention?

[The Notorious R.E.D]

oooh, ooh, I KNOW! I KNOW!! (pantomimes a child who knows the answer to a question and REALLY wants to tell the teacher)

[The Suburban Avenger]

If you didn't know any better, apparently nothing happened in sports last night or this morning, save Brett Favre telling the Vikings he's retiring. Enough already.