2012 Detroit Lions season

[The Suburban Avenger]

Louis Delmas had surgery yesterday to repair/scrape out/whatever something in his left knee and is week-to-week according to Schwartz.

I don't think he ever healed from what he did to it on Thanksgiving last year.

[coreytron]

Damn you Kellen Moore and your sorry noodle arm. Now we'll have to wait another year to reclaim the "Old Oaken Boat"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOHsSHAWpFw

[The Suburban Avenger]

The Lions hosted Kids' Day yesterday at practice and it was like they called the casting company that did "The Hills Have Eyes."

To make matters worse, SAFE personnel walked through the crowd areas yelling at spectators, including one idiot who kept shouting "If you are not handicapped or disabled, you cannot be here." Fucking classy.

And I hate to sound insensitive, but I never got the idea of rolling out heavily mentally disabled people for famous people to touch. Two people in particular were so badly handicapped that there was no earthly way they knew where they were, much less the giant dumb athlete awkwardly called over to pet them and pose for a photo. An older reporter pointed that out and told me that's why the Beatles stopped touring in America. Every big city they played in usually had its parade of hunchbacks and cripples and the band, especially John Lennon, was creeped the fuck out after a while.

[Andy]

A Detroit Lions Executive Might Lose His House Because The High School Built A Blue Turf Football Field It Can’t Afford

http://deadspin.com/5935746/a-detroit-l ... ant-afford

Whoops.

[The Suburban Avenger]

A Detroit Lions Executive Might Lose His House Because The High School Built A Blue Turf Football Field It Can’t Afford

http://deadspin.com/5935746/a-detroit-l ... ant-afford

Whoops.

Bill Keenist is a fucking fuck who can get, and stay, fucked. I hope they take his fucking house.

And if you read the story Deadspin links to, you've really got to hate the stupid assholes who went through with the project "for the kids" when they didn't have enough money to pay for it.

I understand the cost savings associated with FieldTurf vis a vis regular grass, but c'mon. Did the school district really need this?

[The Suburban Avenger]

It's the Lions' turn in Deadspin's "Why Your Team Sucks" series:

1. Nice timing! I can't think of anything more appropriate than the Detroit Lions finally turning into a decent team a mere three decades after the team's hometown has been economically buried and left for dead by the rest of America. ... The fact that Detroit still has four major sports teams is almost a cruel taunt, an evil trick designed by city officials to convince local residents that their town isn't extinct. It's like a Hollywood set where you see the outside of a prosperous-looking building and then walk behind the facade to see nothing but two wooden planks holding it all up.

2. Awwww, they think they're contenders! I watched the Lions play the Saints in the divisional round, and it was almost sad to see the Lions trick themselves into believing they had any prayer of competing against real teams. They weren't as good as the Saints. They still aren't. This defense gave up 1,612 passing yards in the final four games of the season (Matt Flynn says thank you for the signing bonus!), and they still suck. Jahvid Best's brain scan looks like the surface of a distant moon. The elite teams of the NFC are still much better than the Lions, and they will go on being better after Matt Stafford tears his labrum in 30 places and Calvin Johnson falls victim to the Madden Curse. Remember: THESE ARE THE LIONS. God doesn't allow the Lions to be very good for very long.

3. Cheap shot motherfuckers. It's never a good idea to follow the Raiders' blueprint of penalty accumulation. The strategy of DURRRR IF I GET LOTS OF LATE HITS THE OTHER TEAM WILL FEAR ME DURRRR hasn't worked in ages, so it'll be fun to watch the Lions blow game after game because Ndamukong Suh got flagged for stomping a replacement ref to death during a third-and-11 incompletion. You don't even need a bounty system to get the Lions to behave like idiots. It just comes naturally to them to hit the Fox sound guy out of bounds.

4. Michigan people are horrible. They are racist. ... And the accent. My God, the accent. I don't know how Wisconsin and Minnesota people get pegged for having unbearable accents when Michigan people have accents that are just as bad, if not worse.

5. Hear it from Lions fans!
Andy:
They can't run the ball and they can't play defense that does not involve egregious personal fouls at horribly inopportune times. I am pretty sure this year they will be within seconds of sealing a huge victory against a respectable opponent when someone will commit the single most idiotic penalty you have ever seen. The Lions convinced everyone they were good last year because they went 10-6 thanks to complete meltdown by the opposing teams. They barely beat the Vikings (twice), Cowboys, Raiders and Panthers and were only asshairs away from being 5-11, even though our precious QB threw for 5,000 yards. That kind of dumb luck doesn't repeat itself.

In five years 95% of their salary cap will be dedicated to paying Stafford, Suh and Megatron and therefore they will be forced to field a roster consisting of three good players and 50 dicktards claimed from the Browns and Jaguars practice squad. This is ostensibly how a Lions contract negotiation is conducted:

Lions: "Okay, why don't you tell us how much you think you should get paid?

3rd string guard who will be cut at the end of the season: "$44 million."

Lions: DONE.

99% Lions fans have goatees; don't ask why, they just do. Far too many of them still wear Joey Harrington jerseys because they are too poor to afford anything else and too stupid to find a job. The Lions have won one playoff game in sixty years, which is a staggering amount of complete and utter incompetence.

The Lions employed Matt fucking Millen and paid him $50 million to run the organization for an entire goddamn decade. That's pretty much the beginning and end of any conversation about why the Lions suck.

http://deadspin.com/5935894?utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_facebook&utm_source=deadspin_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

Andy, was that you?

[The Beav]

Andy, was that you?

I say not Andy. As long as I've known him, I've never heard him use the word "asshair" or "dicktard" ever. Then again he is an excellent wordsmith and might have been trying to channel a Lions fan from Taylor.

Maybe we need an Andy or Not Andy thread.

[Andy]

Andy, was that you?

I say not Andy. As long as I've known him, I've never heard him use the word "asshair" or "dicktard" ever. Then again he is an excellent wordsmith and might have been trying to channel a Lions fan from Taylor.

Maybe we need an Andy or Not Andy thread.

Yeah, pretty close but this is a Not Andy. That's funny about the Harrington jerseys.

[Ya Mar]

That's awesome...

99% Lions fans have goatees; don't ask why, they just do. Far too many of them still wear Joey Harrington jerseys because they are too poor to afford anything else and too stupid to find a job.

*edit to say tht I just saw Andy's post, so he beat me to it. Andy - if you are at the HFD headquarters, wanna swing by and meet me at the Book for a beer?

**Double edit to change "beer" to "cocktail" because it is Andy...

[caseyc]

That's awesome...

99% Lions fans have goatees; don't ask why, they just do. Far too many of them still wear Joey Harrington jerseys because they are too poor to afford anything else and too stupid to find a job.

*edit to say tht I just saw Andy's post, so he beat me to it. Andy - if you are at the HFD headquarters, wanna swing by and meet me at the Book for a beer?

**Double edit to change "beer" to "cocktail" because it is Andy...

How long are you in town? Headed up Saturday for kicks.

[Ya Mar]

That's awesome...

99% Lions fans have goatees; don't ask why, they just do. Far too many of them still wear Joey Harrington jerseys because they are too poor to afford anything else and too stupid to find a job.

*edit to say tht I just saw Andy's post, so he beat me to it. Andy - if you are at the HFD headquarters, wanna swing by and meet me at the Book for a beer?

**Double edit to change "beer" to "cocktail" because it is Andy...

How long are you in town? Headed up Saturday for kicks.

Around all weekend. I think Ms. Mar and myself are doing a date night/bar night saturday with no kids - so let me know if you are coming up.

[Andy]

That's awesome...

99% Lions fans have goatees; don't ask why, they just do. Far too many of them still wear Joey Harrington jerseys because they are too poor to afford anything else and too stupid to find a job.

*edit to say tht I just saw Andy's post, so he beat me to it. Andy - if you are at the HFD headquarters, wanna swing by and meet me at the Book for a beer?

**Double edit to change "beer" to "cocktail" because it is Andy...

How long are you in town? Headed up Saturday for kicks.

We had a nice talk yesterday over a few drinks before his childhood friend came by and stole my thunder. Good times overall though.

[Ya Mar]

That's awesome...

99% Lions fans have goatees; don't ask why, they just do. Far too many of them still wear Joey Harrington jerseys because they are too poor to afford anything else and too stupid to find a job.

*edit to say tht I just saw Andy's post, so he beat me to it. Andy - if you are at the HFD headquarters, wanna swing by and meet me at the Book for a beer?

**Double edit to change "beer" to "cocktail" because it is Andy...

How long are you in town? Headed up Saturday for kicks.

We had a nice talk yesterday over a few drinks before his childhood friend came by and stole my thunder. Good times overall though.

It got prettty thunderous from that point on in the evening, to be certain. Met up with, shockingly, the Suburban Avenger at some point.

[The Suburban Avenger]

That's awesome...

99% Lions fans have goatees; don't ask why, they just do. Far too many of them still wear Joey Harrington jerseys because they are too poor to afford anything else and too stupid to find a job.

*edit to say tht I just saw Andy's post, so he beat me to it. Andy - if you are at the HFD headquarters, wanna swing by and meet me at the Book for a beer?

**Double edit to change "beer" to "cocktail" because it is Andy...

How long are you in town? Headed up Saturday for kicks.

We had a nice talk yesterday over a few drinks before his childhood friend came by and stole my thunder. Good times overall though.

It got prettty thunderous from that point on in the evening, to be certain. Met up with, shockingly, the Suburban Avenger at some point.

The whiskey was a bad idea ... good times, though.

[Ya Mar]

That's awesome...

99% Lions fans have goatees; don't ask why, they just do. Far too many of them still wear Joey Harrington jerseys because they are too poor to afford anything else and too stupid to find a job.

*edit to say tht I just saw Andy's post, so he beat me to it. Andy - if you are at the HFD headquarters, wanna swing by and meet me at the Book for a beer?

**Double edit to change "beer" to "cocktail" because it is Andy...

How long are you in town? Headed up Saturday for kicks.

We had a nice talk yesterday over a few drinks before his childhood friend came by and stole my thunder. Good times overall though.

It got prettty thunderous from that point on in the evening, to be certain. Met up with, shockingly, the Suburban Avenger at some point.

The whiskey was a bad idea ... good times, though.

The whiskey was but one moment of bad ideas in an evening that seemed to find another bad idea at every turn...but yes, good times to be sure.