Shit My Dad Says

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Shit My Dad Says

Postby caseyc » Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:36 pm

Inspired by Davey Hall's recent post....


--that guy doesn't know (a) "shit from apple butter"; (b) "his ass from his elbow"; or (c) "shit from shinola."

--"He's so full of shit his eyes are brown..."

--"uh oh....a pipe smoker."

--"who the fuck washed the Mercedes with OFF?"

--"hey Luke, I bet that guy's gonna be your roomate" (turned out to be 100% true)

wait, no....
eh, ah
...I need to cogitates some more on this. Have at it.
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Re: Shit My Dad Says

Postby MICHIGAN » Tue Aug 25, 2009 11:04 pm

"I was doing this before you could jerk off"
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Re: Shit My Dad Says

Postby middle aged female » Tue Aug 25, 2009 11:59 pm

"I was doing this before you were a gleam in your mother's eye"
"If that son of a bitch touches you, I'm gonna castrate him with a rusty can lid"
"I'm fair to middlin'"
"I'll be there, God willing and the creek don't rise"
"That guy couldn't find his ass with both hands"
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Re: Shit My Dad Says

Postby guest » Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:20 am

"don't get old"

that and a whole bunch of stories I've heard countless times
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Re: Shit My Dad Says

Postby Andy » Wed Aug 26, 2009 6:59 am

guest wrote:"don't get old"

that and a whole bunch of stories I've heard countless times



I get the "don't get married" a lot.

Also:

"Let's see what happens"

"Pat Caputo is an idiot"
I want to give you one of my coffee mugs. You'll be surprised at how they nice they are. I was. - Marvin Crawford
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Re: Shit My Dad Says

Postby caseyc » Wed Aug 26, 2009 7:28 am

"he's a {#] time loser at Vatican roulette"....(in reference to children)....

"Jesus Jenny!" (not spoken to anyone named Jennifer).
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Re: Shit My Dad Says

Postby Heywood McCrakin » Wed Aug 26, 2009 7:52 am

Andy wrote:
guest wrote:
"Pat Caputo is an idiot"




Plus 1!
GO BUCKEYES!

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Re: Shit My Dad Says

Postby middle aged female » Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:31 am

caseyc wrote:"he's a {#] time loser at Vatican roulette"....(in reference to children)....

"Jesus Jenny!" (not spoken to anyone named Jennifer).

I still say Jesus Jenny. I heard it so many times growing up that it's part of my vocabulary. As well as 'Jesus H. Christ' and, from my sister, 'Chuck you, Farley'
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Re: Shit My Dad Says

Postby The Beav » Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:52 am

So I sez to him I sez...

Lissen here Chummy...
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Re: Shit My Dad Says

Postby Doctor Detroit » Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:58 am

"Poop or get off the pot."

"I didn't just fall off the turnip truck."
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Re: Shit My Dad Says

Postby frank - up in grand blanc » Wed Aug 26, 2009 9:22 am

The Beav wrote:So I sez to him I sez...


^this is usually part of a pretty good story.

Others:
-"didn't know whether to shit or go blind"

-"Jesus lover!" (not a description of a Christian; a curse that's a few steps short of 'Jesus Fucking Christ')

-"full a shit like a Christmas turkey"

-"sheenie"

-"gimme the GaAAD DAMN wrench, I'll do it mySELF!" (no explanation necessary)
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Re: Shit My Dad Says

Postby Andy » Wed Aug 26, 2009 9:29 am

frank - up in grand blanc wrote:
-"Jesus lover!" (not a description of a Christian; a curse that's a few steps short of 'Jesus Fucking Christ')



My dad reverted to Jesus Cripe often.
I want to give you one of my coffee mugs. You'll be surprised at how they nice they are. I was. - Marvin Crawford
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Re: Shit My Dad Says

Postby susanarosa » Wed Aug 26, 2009 9:36 am

"I'm so fine it's unbelievable!"

"Is the pope Polish?" (Well no dad, not anymore...)

"How's your car running?"

"All men are pigs."
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Re: Shit My Dad Says

Postby Mulligan » Wed Aug 26, 2009 9:54 am

When I worked at Kmart in high school, he could never get the pronunciation correct. To him it was, and still is, Kmark. His way of asking what my schedule would be for the upcoming week, " So, how do you work?"

Other regular mispronounciations:

Bob Pro-fer = Bob Probert

Woodlawn Lake = Woodland Lake
I used to be with it, but then they changed what 'it' was. Now, what I'm with isn't 'it,' and what's 'it' seems weird and scary.
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Re: Shit My Dad Says

Postby Andy » Wed Aug 26, 2009 9:58 am

When talking about the thermostat:

Open (or close) the heat.
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