Bad jokes.

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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby Doctor Detroit » Fri Jan 16, 2015 6:33 pm

You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it in water.

If it sinks: girl ant.

If it floats: boy ant.
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby D-Day » Mon Mar 16, 2015 3:41 pm

Question: Why do the Marines always go in first?
Answer: YOU DIDN'T GO IN FIRST, YOU JARHEAD, THE 82d AIRBORNE HAS BEEN HERE FOR 16 HOURS WAITING FOR YOU!!!!!!!
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby Exciteable » Sun Apr 19, 2015 6:27 pm

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
-a 1/2 gallon of 2% milk,
-a carton of eggs,
-a gallon of orange juice,
-a head of romaine lettuce,
-a can of coffee, and
-a pound of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said
"Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct.
But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied,
"Coz you're fuckin' ugly!"
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby middle aged female » Sun Apr 19, 2015 7:39 pm

Exciteable wrote:A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
-a 1/2 gallon of 2% milk,
-a carton of eggs,
-a gallon of orange juice,
-a head of romaine lettuce,
-a can of coffee, and
-a pound of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said
"Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct.
But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied,
"Coz you're fuckin' ugly!"

Dammit, where's the "like" button?
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby D-Day » Sun Apr 19, 2015 9:27 pm

middle aged female wrote:
Exciteable wrote:A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
-a 1/2 gallon of 2% milk,
-a carton of eggs,
-a gallon of orange juice,
-a head of romaine lettuce,
-a can of coffee, and
-a pound of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said
"Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct.
But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied,
"Coz you're fuckin' ugly!"

Dammit, where's the "like" button?

For MAF and I.....

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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby middle aged female » Sun Apr 19, 2015 9:30 pm

D-Day wrote:
middle aged female wrote:
Exciteable wrote:A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
-a 1/2 gallon of 2% milk,
-a carton of eggs,
-a gallon of orange juice,
-a head of romaine lettuce,
-a can of coffee, and
-a pound of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said
"Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct.
But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied,
"Coz you're fuckin' ugly!"

Dammit, where's the "like" button?

For MAF and I.....

Image

Thank you D. You don't mind if I call you "D", do you?
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby D-Day » Sun Apr 19, 2015 9:43 pm

middle aged female wrote:
D-Day wrote:
middle aged female wrote:
Exciteable wrote:A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
-a 1/2 gallon of 2% milk,
-a carton of eggs,
-a gallon of orange juice,
-a head of romaine lettuce,
-a can of coffee, and
-a pound of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said
"Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct.
But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied,
"Coz you're fuckin' ugly!"

Dammit, where's the "like" button?

For MAF and I.....

Image

Thank you D. You don't mind if I call you "D", do you?

Nope....not at all
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby Roquefort Robert » Mon Apr 20, 2015 12:46 pm

D-Day wrote:
middle aged female wrote:
D-Day wrote:
middle aged female wrote:
Exciteable wrote:A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
-a 1/2 gallon of 2% milk,
-a carton of eggs,
-a gallon of orange juice,
-a head of romaine lettuce,
-a can of coffee, and
-a pound of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said
"Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct.
But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied,
"Coz you're fuckin' ugly!"

Dammit, where's the "like" button?

For MAF and I.....

Image

Thank you D. You don't mind if I call you "D", do you?

Nope....not at all


That's good. Because MAF loves the D.
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby The Suburban Avenger » Mon Apr 27, 2015 6:58 pm

Why can't you trust atoms?

That make up everything!
My hand to God, she's gonna be at Carnegie Hall. But you - I'll let you have her now at the old price, OK? Which is, which is anything you wanna give me. Anything at all.
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby Doctor Detroit » Mon Jul 27, 2015 8:28 pm

Today a man was killed with a starting pistol.















Police believe it might be race related.
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby middle aged female » Mon Jul 27, 2015 9:50 pm

Doctor Detroit wrote:Today a man was killed with a starting pistol.















Police believe it might be race related.


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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby The Suburban Avenger » Tue Aug 04, 2015 9:14 pm

What's six inches long and didn't get sucked on Valentine's Day?

Whitney Houston's crack pipe.
My hand to God, she's gonna be at Carnegie Hall. But you - I'll let you have her now at the old price, OK? Which is, which is anything you wanna give me. Anything at all.
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby Doctor Detroit » Tue Aug 04, 2015 9:25 pm

The Suburban Avenger wrote:What's six inches long and didn't get sucked on Valentine's Day?

Whitney Houston's crack pipe.


You told that joke on the previous page of this thread. Get it together, SA.
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby Doctor Detroit » Fri Oct 02, 2015 6:01 pm

A Mexican magician tells the audience that he will disappear at the count of 3.

He then says, "uno, dos" and *poof* he disappears without a tres.
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby Morty » Wed Nov 04, 2015 11:16 am

Doctor Detroit wrote:A Mexican magician tells the audience that he will disappear at the count of 3.

He then says, "uno, dos" and *poof* he disappears without a tres.



My son told me that joke yesterday.
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